


The Best and the Worst

by UzbekistanRules



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Multi, POV Second Person, Self-Hatred, mindless self insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:32:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8168579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UzbekistanRules/pseuds/UzbekistanRules
Summary: The best and worst things always start with Jesse McCree.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just- I'm having a bad time and I wanted to write something. A friend encouraged me to do so. Please forgive all of the mistakes here.

The best and worst things always start with Jesse McCree. You have figured that out rapidly during your short time with the newly reformed Overwatch. Though you try to stay out of anything he does- and really anything with the colorful cast of characters in general- it seems you're always roped into something. And it's always Agent McCree who starts it.

A ramen eating contest late at night where you were the judge. Magic the Gathering- four times you've been and you still don't understand the rules. A 'camping expedition' on top of the Gibraltar Watchpoint. He's always pulling you in to do something. You aren't sure you hate it or not.

You stiffen when he pulls you into a hug. You can say nothing as you're crushed against him, face planted into the crook of his neck. You smell him; gun oil and tobacco, clean cotton and a whiff of a strange cologne. You can do nothing as he holds you there for a few moments before disengaging and walking off, whistling while his spurs chimed softly against the floor. What... was that all about?

\- - - - -

After that, it was like the floodgates opened. Genji coming up behind you one night when you couldn't sleep and rubbing your shoulders. Zenyatta seeking you out after a particularly stressful sparring session with Soldier 76. Torbjörn saying nothing as you sit at the dining room table but placing a cup of tea before you. A book here. A few words there. You couldn't wrap your mind around it. You weren't- what had happened? Why were they being so nice to you all of a sudden? You were trying to keep this professional damnit. You weren't supposed to be a part of their lives apart from the missions. You were only here on the sufferance of Dr. Winston. You did as you were told- go here for blood tests, go there for training, do this regiment every day, eat these foods at these specific times. So why was Dr. Zeigler passing you a candy bar? Why was the Reaper going easy on you? Why was Lúcio forcing you to listen to a tape instead of taking your blood?

It's worse when you slip over to the other side. That other world, where dreams and reality clashed in the most peculiar of ways. You fought against the nightmares of the world, becoming better with each passing day. And yet it wasn't enough. You pushed yourself even harder- sought out Hanzo and begged him to help you early in the morning, sparred with 76 and with Reaper until your limbs ached with sore muscles and a colorful array of bruises, practiced your shooting with Pharah and Ana until your arms were threatening to come apart at the seams. It wasn't enough.

You can't run from your own nightmares.

It looks like you. It's like looking in a mirror. But it's the yellow eyes that give it away. It always comes down to the eyes.

"So. Me." It starts off casually, as if this were an every day occurrence. To it, maybe it was. 

"You," you reply blandly. Watch it. Wait for it. Try to anticipate it's next moves. You're thinking twenty steps down the line when its next line stops you dead in your tracks.

"Who are you gonna kiss first?"

You can't- "What?" That sounded weak, even to your own ears.

"Honestly, I'm hoping you go for one of the masked guys myself, though I bet Satya would blush so very prettily if you just pressed your mouth against-"

"Agent Symmetra has expressed no desire to kiss anyone, much less me." You try to emulate Satya herself, pitching your voice low and mechanically. The other you just tilts its head, curiously.

"Has she now...?" it mused. "Still, there are others. Then again, none of them are up to your standards now are they?"

It was like a punch to the gut. Your stomach clenches painfully. You can feel your jaw set stubbornly. "Up to my standards? How can they not be up to my standards? If anything I'm not up to theirs."

"Oh?" You have no idea where it got the chair, but it's currently sitting. "Go on. Tell me, how are the positions reversed? Why are they so much better than you?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You wave the gun around, groping for words. 76's voice rings in your head as you remember the lecture he had given you. You turn the safety on and return the gun to its holster. Take a deep breath. Begin. "76 is so... him. I can't describe it, but if he ordered me to jump off a cliff, I'd do it. Reaper is so badass, he could beat me within an inch of my life and I'd thank him for it. Bastion is so adorable it's not even funny. Did you know that Jesse does a little hopskip after he does something he thinks is particularly clever? Hanzo's so regal, it's not even funny. Kill you with a glare and you would think it was a privilege. And then there's Genji! I can see how much of a little shit he used to be as a kid! Mako is scary but not like the bad scary you know? It's the scary that says that he'll protect you. He seems to say 'anyone fucks with you and I'll make sure they _regret_ it."

You begin to pace, hands threading through your hair over and over again. "Jamison is a maniac. He'll literally try to blow you up. But then he does something and you're not mad at him for it? Like- how? How did you do the thing and get away with it? And Zenyatta... He's so sweet. He'll patiently wait for anything you throw at him, ask questions until he's sure he got it right. Lúcio is just one huge ray of sunshine, all friendly smiles and so eager to show off his new mixtape. Winston is this shy, awkward person that half of the time you forget he's not even the same species as you! Torbjörn never knows what to say half of the time, but when you start talking shop his eyes light up like... wow. And Reinhardt! He should be a grandpa. He'd make the best grandpa. He's everyone's grandpa and I know exactly how he did it. He's so... kind."

"That's only half of them, you know," your other self says, feigning a yawn. You turn and scowl at it.

"Shut up. I was getting to the ladies." Where were you? Right. The women in your life. You go back to your interrupted pacing, hands now jabbing the air when the emphasis was needed. Your hands are constantly in motion but you can't stop them. "Angela is a sweetheart. She can't cook or bake worth shit but so help you if you have even the tiniest of sniffles, she will nurse you back to health. That's why I always wear the long sleeves. So she can't see the bruises from the sparring sessions. Fareeha is just the opposite. She whips up a mean molo... molo-something, can bake a killer plate of baklava. Ask her to dress a wound and she'll look at you like you grew a third head. Her mother is regal too, but not like Hanzo. Hanzo is in your face about his princely status. Ana Amari is a queen, quiet and dignified. God I want to be like her when I grow old."

You sigh and stop the pacing, sitting down on the ground. The other you doesn't offer you a chair. Dick. "Mei is nerdy in a nice way. She'll chatter your ear off about every single subject that's going through her mind and it's framed in such a way that you don't mind? Lena- there's another ray of sunshine! She's been through so much, you can just tell but she doesn't let that get to her. She is still so upbeat and positive. And holy shit, Hana! Hana is more successful now at 19 than I'd ever be able to dream about! She's faced down a literal goddamn _army_ of omnics and won! That's fucking impressive! Amélie is super badass too. She's gone through so much shit, having Talon wipe away her self but she took it back like the warrior queen she is. Fuck, don't even get me started on Zarya! She can lift me! She can lift two of me! With room to spare! She is scary, but she has fucking pink hair. Who even does that!? Zarya, that's who. And no one gives her shit about it because she is just that goddamned amazing. But the goddess of them all has to be Satya. She's beautiful. She's powerful. She's smart as a whip. How can you not go wrong with that?"

You stop as you realize you've gone through all of them. Your hands drop uselessly into your lap, dead weights pulled by gravity. "And then there's me. Stupid, dumb, worthless me. What do I have, huh? A body that isn't fit for fighting. A mind that can only begin to scratch at the surface of what people around me are saying. A soul that crumbles at the very thought of killing anyone. I don't work hard enough. I'm not good enough. And all I want to do is find a lap and curl up in it and beg whoever it is to kiss me."

"Even the omnics?"

" _Especially_ the omnics! Though where the fuck I even kiss Bastion is a really fucking good question. One that I would answer if I had the fucking guts to even ask. How do I even start that type of conversation!? 'Hi I know this sounds crazy but all I want to do is smooch you and maybe cuddle a little bit because I can't stand the thought of sex?' Half of them would look at me like I was crazy. The other half would probably snap my neck for being so fucking forward." You sigh, harsh and bitter. "Maybe it's better that I'm alone."

The other self stood. "Maybe one day you can convince yourself of that." And with that you were alone. Just like that. Your walk back to the portal is uneventful. You'd be happy about it if your heart wasn't so goddamned heavy.

\- - - - -

"Tadaima." It's a familiar word on your lips. You hear Genji and Hanzo and Zenyatta say it after missions. Somehow, it's become a part of your routine too. You look at the room. You tense when you see all twenty two of your teammates there. How- You curse yourself as you remember. Winston had figured out a way to see what you were doing, hear what was going on around you. You wonder how long they had been watching. It didn't matter. They knew now. They were going to condemn you, toss you out. The roar of your heartbeat nearly drowns out the words that come from Jesse's lips.

The best and worst things always start with Jesse McCree.

"Darlin'... Why didn't you say anything?"

"It doesn't matter." School your face. Show no emotion. Every little thing is a weakness now. Another barb that they can use against you.

"It does matter." Zarya, beautiful- impressive Zarya who's muscles tensed and twitched under her skin. She was unhappy. She was crossing her arms and frowning. She was unhappy. You made her unhappy. How dare you.

"It doesn't matter." If you repeat it enough, it would be true. Positive thinking and all that.

"If it affects team morale, then yeah. It matters." 76 was one long line of unhappiness. Reaper radiated disappointment beside him. You made him unhappy. You made him disappointed. How dare you.

"It's not affecting team morale, Commander." Keep it up. Egg them into hating you.

Winston adjusts his glasses. He only does that when he's upset. You made him upset. How dare you. Zenyatta unfolds one long arm and it fascinates you. You could watch him do that all day. "You are unhappy. You are upset. You are a part of the team." There is pity in his voice. You made him pity you. How dare you.

"I will be fine." Your jaw starts clenching and you force it to relax. No emotion. Hold your ground.

"You aren't fine now. I know why you're wearing that turtleneck. Why didn't you come to me after your sessions?" Angela. Sweet, dear Angela. Trying to help you by saying what you're thinking. She's worried. You made her worried. How dare you.

"It wasn't important."

"It is important man!" Lúcio's fists were tight in his lap. His eyes burn with a righteous fire. Hana nods beside him. You made them this way. You're too selfish. How dare you.

"It isn't important." How many times do you have to repeat yourself? Ana looks at you disapprovingly, her good eye filled with unshed tears. You're making her cry. How dare you.

Bastion makes a little whir, a series of beeps and a few small clicks. Genji nods. His expression is unreadable behind the mask. "You are a part of this team," Genji helpfully translates. "If you are hurt, then it is important that we know." You can't be that selfish. You can't make them understand. How dare you.

Fareeha looks like she wants to run over to you but dares not. "You _are_ a part of this team. We have to protect our own. We watch each other's backs so everyone can come home alive at the end of the day." 

"I am not a part of this team," you snap suddenly. The ripple of shock is delicious. The ripple of shock lances through you like an agony. How dare you.

"You have been with us for six months..." Hanzo says, gaze ice cold that full mouth set into a frown. How dare you. "And you do not consider us to be your team?"

"I don't see any of you climbing in the portal after me," the anger is fake. The words are lies. You can't stop them now. If you shove them away, they'll leave you alone. How dare you.

"Only because you tell us that you're completely fine by your own!" Mei's face is twisted up with too many emotions for you to sort them out properly. Mako rumbles beside her, massive body looming like he wants to intimidate you. How dare you.

"Because I am!"

"And y'have the nerve t'complain about us not coming in after you!" Jamison was angry at you, pointing out the hole in your logic with a bitter glee. Lena was glaring death at you. How dare you.

Amélie sniffs delicately, like you were suddenly covered in dog shit. You were covered in dog shit. How dare you. "I do not think it is fair."

"Life isn't fair," you mutter under your breath.

Reinhardt looks like he's in pain. Torbjörn speaks up for the pair of them, you just know it. How dare you. "We can make it fairer. If you give us a chance, we can make it fair."

You look at the last two speakers. Satya and Jesse. Who would say what? You bite your tongue. How dare you. How dare you how dare you howdareyouhow-

"Darlin. Honey. It's okay."

The dam burst. You throw your head back and howl, shake yourself apart, clutch at yourself with fingers that weren't strong enough. You squat where you stand, unable to curl up any further. There's tears on your face. Someone is punching your thigh. It's only when the hand is stilled that you realize you were hurting yourself.

They're there. They're all there. Hands hold you together, lips press themselves reverently to your flesh. Someone is singing something and it's so nice that you want to learn it later. Through the hurricane, you have shelter. You aren't alone. You know, after this you couldn't ever be alone.

\- - - - -

It was amazing what could happen in just twenty four hours.

You were curled against Jesse's side, pressing your half naked body against his chest. He's hairier than a bear, but you don't mind. Your fingers trace the way his hair lays against his pecs, the scars that he has, nothing in particular. He's carding his good hand through your hair. He presses a kiss to your forehead and you sigh in contentment. It was better than the daydreams you used to have, late at night.

"Now was this so hard, darlin?" You can hear the grin in his voice.

"Fuck you," you shoot back. There's no venom in your tone though. After all... The best and worst things always start with Jesse McCree.


End file.
